November 11, 2024 ; post-election dread & hope
The Dread
I've been feeling quite numb since election day. I occasionally get hints of how horrible I'm feeling. They creep up in different ways. Feeling inexplicably sleepy. Getting dizzy more often. Not crying at all over things that would normally make me sob. Experiencing more moments of derealization when I go on walks. I have therapy tomorrow so I hope that telling my therapist gets some tears out. I hope there are some targets we can use for EMDR. Not that I want to erase the anxiety completely, because I think it's 100% justified. But because I just can't keep going on like this.The Hope
I'm feeling consumed by my zine and website obsession, in the best possible way. I'm also using this as an excuse to learn more HTML and actually learn CSS. I resurrected my very old codecademy account so I can learn with some structure. I of course learned the basics of HTML back in the myspace days. I loved editing my page and getting everything just right, only to decide that I wanted an entirely new format and colors and change it all over again. I think it'll be a lot of fun to do that here too. I feel like I'm already learning a bunch. It's nice to have a sort of "real world" application to the things I wanat to learn. I feel like that makes it stick in my mind better.I also just have so many ideas for zines I want to make. I want to incorporate all the things! Art! Diary entries! Book reviews! Random silly thoughts! How to guides for random things that I know how to do! Diary entries! Experiences and feelings! There is so much that I can do and I'm very excited.